Being a big fan of Townsend and Cloud, I was excited to read Unlocking Your Family Patterns. I have to say that I was not disappointed with this book in the least! Teaming up with additional authors Dave Carder and Earl Henslin, this book deals with issues of dysfunctional families head on in a balanced way with a Christ centered approach. While not offering false promises of "quick fixes", the book gives some great steps on the healing journey. I should add here that this book is a tool not only for those who have been in abusive familiy relationships, but for anyone who has had issues with their family relationships, such as a lack of bonding or lack of proper boundaries. I feel like this book sheds so much light on understanding why you are the person that you are and how you can become the person you want to be.
The book begins by discussing families from the Bible that can certainly be classified as dysfunctional: David and Abraham. While these men are seen as great men who were full of faith and love for God, we also see patterns of dysfunction in each of their family trees. We see David's children abuse and murder each other and he never confronts the issues and seems to ignore them! We see Abraham and his family have boundary issues that pass on to the following generations. So dysfunction is certainly nothing new. This first section of the book exposes areas of dysfunction that many people deal with and can relate to.
The book then goes on to discuss contributing factors of dysfunction such as the transmission process and how the cycle continues to the next generation in families, the role of "religious shame", as well as patterns of dysfunction in operation in the local church.
The final section of the book is Learning How To Do It Right When You Learned It Wrong. This section is full of healthy steps you can take in learning to bond, learning to set boundaries, recreating a proper perspective on goodness and badness, and dealing with unfair issues in your life. Again, we do not see an overnight fix all, but the authors outline ways to change your thoughts about yourself and family situations and how to handle proper and healthy confrontations when necessary.
While the authors certainly do not advocate blaming all of your issues and problems on your family, they offer a healthy perspective to help you understand why you handle situations the way you do and why your reactions and responses to situations as an adult stem from your upbringing. Taking responsibility for your actions and learning to be a healthy person despite your hurtful past is the message that I received from this book. There was such a wealth of knowledge and resources contained in these pages. I cannot even begin to share everything learned from this book. Obviously, if you have issues of dysfunction, then this is the book for you. However, even if you feel that you have had a healthy and well rounded upbringing, I would also encourage you to read this book. It gives so much insight to understanding other people and the reasons behind their behavior. Especially if you are in a leadership position, you would find much beneficial information in Unlocking Your Family Patterns.
I would also highly recommend all of the Boundaries books by Cloud and Townsend.
I was provided with a copy of this book by the publisher in exchange for my review. I was not obligated to provide a positive review nor was I compensated for my opinion.
No comments:
Post a Comment