Dear Moore, Oklahoma,
Today, as I was boxing up clothes and supplies to send to you, I began to think about what I would say if I could speak to you in person. First of all, I hesitated in writing this at all, because I don't want it to seem that I feel that my own smaller tragedy can at all compare to a disaster of this magnitude that has affected an entire city and community. My own story does not compare, not in the least. However, on an individual and personal level, I feel like I can understand to a lesser degree how families are feeling who have lost their homes and belongings. I don't know that anyone from Moore, Oklahoma will read this anyway, but I felt compelled to share my story and experience, nonetheless.
When tragedies like this occur, and the loss and destruction is so great, my heart hurts because I know on a smaller scale what it is like to have lost everything. Nothing compares to the tragic loss of life and my heart breaks even more for those who have lost their dear loved ones.
You see, in 2003, about 5 weeks after my husband and I had gotten married, we woke up early in the morning to our home filled with smoke because our home was on fire. We had gotten a puppy a couple weeks after the wedding and my husband got up because he thought he heard the puppy whine to go out. When he opened our bedroom door, he was horrified to see smoke and flames coming down the hall, blocking our only exit.
As my husband broke our bedroom window for us to jump out and escape, I remember throwing myself on the floor to try to breathe. When I jumped out the window and landed on the ground, nothing mattered except for the fact that my husband and I were alive and safe. I saw a quilt that my grandmother had made hanging from the window. My husband had grabbed it and used it as he jumped out the window to help prevent some of the glass cutting him. It is interesting how your mind works in an emergency. As the events of the day played out, our home burned completely to the ground and we lost everything inside.
In the days that followed, I remember that it was so hard for me to just do normal and routine things. It was overwhelming to even try to go to the grocery store, let alone try replace every single item we owned. Doing the simple things was difficult for me, yet it was in doing the simple things that my life became normal again.
It took me a long time to feel safe. In my mind, I would tell myself that God had protected us from the fire and that He would do it again, but that didn't stop fear from rising up. I realized how little there is that I can control. Every time that my sweet husband would leave the house, I would be bombarded with frantic thoughts that this could be the last time that I saw him.
For several months, the smell of smoke or the sound of breaking glass would send my heart racing. It was many years before I would attend a bonfire because I would remember so vividly the struggle to breathe as I lay on the floor of a room filled with smoke.
As time passed, God comforted my heart and I knew that he was greater than my fears. He showed me over and over again that I could trust Him, even when it was hard. I continued to learn that no matter what happened, He would take care of me.
What I want you to know is this.
1. It gets better. It gets easier. Today may seem overwhelming, but take it one step, one breath at a time. Do the simple things.
2. You are not alone. You have so many thoughts and prayers of caring people all over this nation. The minute the tragedy occured, caring people sprung into action to help you. People you don't even know are doing all they can to help life get back to normal as quickly as possible for you. We love you.
3. Expect miracles, both big and small. Sometimes, you may not even recognize the miracle until you look back on it later.
4. Don't give up hope. Even if the journey is long, don't give up.
5. God restores. Soon after the fire, my mom gave me a framed verse. It first was the promise that I clung to, believing for life to get better. This is the prayer that I am now praying for you.
"We went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of great abundance." Psalm 66:12
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